coping

You are GONE Pitaji. Here; I am sitting alone in my office. Recollecting the time I had spent with you in your last few days. Trying hard to understand HIS planning. HIS divine intervention to allow me to be with you in your last few days. It was beyond my imagination to even seek this time in my prayers. I knew it wasn’t that easy to be in your world again. But who is a better PLANNER than HIM? HE decided to bless me with your company in your last few days & more importantly in your last few hours. I could not be with you all those years but my GOD knew that I deserved this time with you.

And yet again; HE made me realized that HE is there for me. I met you. I spoke to you. Heard you & your innocent desires for “curd and papaya”. I was with you in those last few hours prior to your final departure. You were shining like a star. Perhaps this is what they call it “NOOR”. I saw the same bright & divine light on Maa on her last day. I did not see you as handsome as you were looking on your last day. There was a heavenly excel on your face. You were relaxed as never before. Your calm and composed body posture gave me trust for a new lease of life. I was sure that you have got an extension to attend Priya’s wedding. Seeing you without those scary medical monitoring equipments was a delight.

You gave me that confidence to leave you without worrying. Now I understand the meaning of your detached, quite and cold behavior. There was something more to your comfortable see off. You wanted to say something but I asked you not to talk. I rather asked you to keep “maunvrat” & you heard it so sincerely. You heard whatever little bit I said about Geeta Vani. You often don’t listen to what we say; but that day you were so obedient. You quietly heard everything that I said. You were rather disinterested towards your surroundings. Sorry I could not get you a jumper in the ICU. I knew you were feeling cold but I did not know that coldness was due to that ruthless utter coldness of the death; that was about to overshadow your warmth. I bought those warm blankets for sadqa but never realized that first blanket will be offered to your ice like body.

Your stiff, cold body, wrapped in a white cloth brought back home. Seeing you so helpless was an unconvincing site. Vocal cords did not burst; I wonder why. I tried to rub your body to give you some comfort & the warmth you needed the most; but I failed. Perhaps that hour; your body needed the holy fire to get warmth from. They took you out of my site; out of our ancestral house, through those historical streets to your final destination in this world; The Shamshan Bhumi. I was left in the middle of that narrow street; along with my sobbing sisters; looking at your empty cage where you had spent your lonely life without Maa. You reached where you ultimately wanted to reach for last 18 long years. You used to visit Shamshan without a fail; as if, you knew that it was the only EXIT from this world to meet your beloved Savitri. Finally you merged into the fire, the soil & the water. You disappeared as if you were never there.
Here I am; sitting in my office; grieving, repenting, thinking that what were the things; that I could have done differently for you. I have a long list of confessions. I am sorry for hurting you. Sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most. Sorry for all the pain I have caused you; knowingly or unknowingly. I pray for your MUKTI with a heavy heart; knowing you loved me enough to forgive me for my disobedience & mischief.

I am sitting here seeking answers to my innocent questions on life and death. I know that all of us will get our answers because it’s not too far to get there where you are today. May Almighty bless you with the best of HIS treasures. I have sensed that you are in a better place than where you were before. I am sitting here alone and praying for your good The End.
Pitaji; bless me with your forgiveness and stay in peace wherever you are.

Your Shaitan Beti
Pupe
L
January 19,2012

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Breaking News.Terror plot behind Serial bombings in India.The real TRUTH in focus with me

ZabaAn- an Issue

Saddam Vs Gandhi